Seeing the Light
by Bottlebrush
Summary: What happened after Sirius sent Snape past the Whomping Willow. Sirius's pov. Mild slash SBRL.


Seeing the Light

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter world or its characters. J. K. Rowling does.

Summary: What happened after Sirius told Snape how to get past the Whomping Willow. Sirius's pov. Mild slash SB/RL.

As soon as Dumbledore finished chewing my ears, I headed off to the hospital wing to see Remus. For once I didn't have to sneak in while Pomfrey was busy elsewhere; she waved me over to Remus's bed where he lay in a mass of bandages. I stood looking down at him. He opened his eyes, saw me, and smiled.

"It was a bad one last night," he said. "The worst for years. The worst ever."

"Yes, there's a reason for it," I began.

"Don't loom over me like that, Sirius, sit down."

I sat in the chair beside the bed. I tried again.

"I have to explain why last night was bad," I said.

"Not now, I'm up to my ears in potions, I don't even know what day it is."

"It's Saturday."

He smiled again. "Then you can stay for a while?"

"As long as you want."

"Just until I fall asleep."

He pulled his hand out from under the blanket. The arm was bandaged, but the hand was free. He reached out to me. I took his hand and held it. It was thin, pale, strong. His eyes closed and he seemed to be sleeping, but I stayed, holding his hand, for hours until Pomfrey kicked me out.

"Did you tell him?" James asked.

"He wouldn't let me," I said. "He just wanted to sleep."

"You're going to have to."

"I know. Dumbledore said."

"You realise, he could spill everything? The whole animagus thing could come out. Then we'd both be expelled. Peter too. All our futures wrecked because you've been a bloody idiot."

"He won't, he's not a grass."

"You'd better hope you're right. Because when he finds out you nearly got him killed ……"

I laughed. "No, James, I nearly got _Snape_ killed. Might have, too, if you hadn't interfered."

"And what do you think would have happened to Remus then?"

"Well, nothing, it wouldn't have been his fault if the wolf killed Snape."

"I can't believe how ignorant you are. Have you ever listened to one word in History of Magic? Have you ever even read the Daily Prophet? A werewolf who kills someone is always destroyed, if he's caught."

I didn't believe him. How could Moony be held responsible? They'd only have to look at his innocent little face to know that he wouldn't hurt a Doxy.

James hadn't finished with me. I began to wonder if he ever would. "I just hope you can find some way of making it up to him," he was saying.

I almost laughed. This was Remus we were talking about. Remus who worshipped the air I breathed. Remus who had been wanting to get inside my pants for the past three years, and thought I didn't know. Of course, that was the answer.

"Oh, I think I can," I said confidently.

Remus stayed in the hospital wing all that day, but the following afternoon Pomfrey let him out to take a short walk in the grounds, so I went with him, and I told him everything.

He seemed slow to take it in, which wasn't like him at all. "You told Snape how to get past the Willow? You told him how to find me?"

"Yes."

"And did I see him, I mean did the wolf see him?"

"Yes, James says you did."

"That explains something, then. The wolf saw his prey and didn't get it, so he got angry. That was why he attacked me so badly."

"I suppose so. I'm sorry."

"Doesn't matter. It'll heal. I wish you hadn't done it, though. Why did you?"

"Snape got up my nose. You know what he's like."

"Yes. I still wish you hadn't. Because now he knows about me. Nobody is supposed to know."

"It's all right. Dumbledore made him promise not to tell."

"Huh. I don't trust him. I wish Dumbledore had modified his memory instead. I wish it had never happened."

"So do I," I said. I meant it. I was getting rather tired of hearing what Remus wished hadn't happened.

By now we were near the edge of the forest and Remus was walking slowly and leaning on me a lot, so I said we should sit down on the grass for a while.

We sat in a nice spot near some shrubs. Remus smiled in a mischievous way, looking more like his usual self.

"And you know, if I'd bitten him but not finished him off, you'd have been running with _him_ on full moon nights. How would you like that?" he said.

"No!" I said, horrified. "I don't turn into a dog for _him_! Only you, Moony."

"Oh, I wouldn't be there. Just him. If I bit someone they'd kill me. Or if they let me live, because I was under age or something, they'd lock me up for ever."

I didn't say anything. It couldn't be true.

Remus was looking down at the ground, his face grave now. "No more learning," he said sadly, "no more friends, and no more jokes. Ever." Then he looked up, and laughed. "Listen to me," he said, "getting all sorry for myself over something that didn't even happen."

He was smiling, his eyes bright. Now, I thought. Now was the time to consolidate the advantage. And it wasn't going to be the chore I had expected. On the contrary, I was rather looking forward to it……I put my arms around him and kissed him.

At first, it was just like kissing a girl. His lips were soft, and gave way to me, and he closed his eyes, like a girl. Then suddenly his eyes opened, and the world changed. I was being struck by lightning, I was drowning, I was dying and coming back to life. It was a revelation. I looked into his eyes – the white bits so very white, and the irises brown with tiny spots of green and gold – and looked through them into his soul, his beautiful innocent soul. For the first time in my life, I was truly aware of another human being. And with that awareness came something I had felt before, but without knowing what it was: I had felt it on mornings after the full moon, when I would have given anything to be able to take Remus's pain on myself instead; I had felt it on quiet evenings in the common room, when, looking up from the chess board where I was playing with James or Peter, I saw Remus absorbed in the book he was reading and unaware of how the firelight illuminated his face and touched his hair with gold; I had felt it on winter days when I came in from the ice-cold Quidditch pitch and he took my hands and rubbed life back into my frozen fingers before bringing me a mug of hot chocolate, which I always drank gratefully although I would rather have had coffee. Now, I knew the name of that feeling.

"I love you," I said slowly, wondering how I could ever have been so thoughtless as to use him, all unsuspecting, in my plot against Snape.

"I know," he said. "You needn't sound so surprised."

"But I _am _surprised," I said. "I never knew what it was like. I never knew what _you_ were like." I couldn't explain the revelation. I only knew I had loved him for a long time, as I had not loved anyone else. Love had not been encouraged in my family. I couldn't express my feeling in words. Only in actions.

I kissed him again, then I traced his features with my finger. His eyebrow, his cheek, his nose, his mouth. He was shaking slightly.

"What is it? You're trembling," I said. "You're not afraid of me, surely? I won't hurt you, never."

He looked away from me, straight ahead, and in a strange hoarse voice said "I fear nothing from you, except rejection."

"That will never happen," I said, and I took him in my arms and held him close.

A few feet away, something moved. I turned quickly. It was only a cat, a handsome tabby. Doubtless some student's pet. It trotted away towards the trees, stopping at the edge of the forest to look back at us. I felt a sudden urge to throw something at it, but there was nothing to hand.

Remus flung his arms around my neck and kissed me. I knew he felt as I did, not wanting us to be separated by so much as six inches of space. It was the end of childhood, and the beginning of something beautiful and wonderful. Remus and Sirius, for ever.

I couldn't wait to tell James about it.


End file.
